Mind Your Own Business; or what NOT to say when helping with renovations

As many of you are aware, Steve and I are renovating an old house in the Cote D’Armor region of Brittany. Of course, I use the term, “Steve and I” loosely as it is Steve who is doing the bulk of the work. With years of experience in building, electrics, plumbing, carpentry and a host of other Hard Jobs (Capital H, capital J there) he is without a doubt a man of immense talent and skill in this field. He can put a fitted kitchen together, without so much as a glance as the instructions. He can fix just about anything that requires fixing and has come up with more ingenious ways to get round a seemingly insurmountable problem than I can recall.

Steve putting the kitchen units together - instructions were not required!

The beginning of another Hard Job

Yikes is all I have to say

Yep, the man’s good.

I, on the other hand, have no discernible DIY skills whatsoever. I have no idea how to change a fuse, put on a plug or any other remotely basic household tasks of that nature. I stand in open mouthed awe at Steve’s efforts and am unceasingly amazed at the results he has achieved in a few short months.

My stunning kitchen only a few weeks after Steve made a start on it

THIS is how it looked before Steve got to it




I am however a useful gopher, a cleaner upper, and most importantly, I make excellent egg custards. The fact that an egg custard has, to my knowledge, never been usefully applied in any DIY task is immaterial. They are an integral part of the process and have to be eaten on a regular basis if success is to be attained J Failure in this culinary area might well result in the universe as we know it disappearing down a black hole. 

My little egg custard tarts - yes I know there's one missing, someone has to test them and Mikey wasn't here

What I AM good at is mixing plaster (who knew). Our battles with the French plaster have been documented in a previous blog, so I won’t repeat myself here. Suffice to say, I have conquered the art of mixing French plaster, which affords me a modicum of status and a (slightly) begrudging recognition from Steve as the best person for this particular job.

I AM good at plaster mixing, but tend to end up wearing most of it

Now in any renovation project of this scale, challenges are inevitable, and have to be overcome. What I have discovered is that when Steve hits a problem, there are certain things, which must never be said; suggestions, which must never be offered, and advice, which under NO circumstances needs to be given.

I have written this blog as a guide for others (OK, other women) who may find themselves in a similar position. A kind of quick reference for correct responses if you like. Ladies, take heed, it may save a lot of heartache.

Scenario Number One – The Leaky Tap

“I’ve got a leak” announced Steve one day.

I immediately adopted, what I felt was a suitably downcast expression to demonstrate my solidarity.

“Oh no” I mourned, “Where?”

“Small bathroom” came the terse response. “I’ll have to sort it this morning, so the water will be off for a while”

“Okay” I said in a completely understanding tone, “Not a problem”.

The minutes ticked by. I could hear the sound of tinkering, clattering and the obligatory muttering which always accompanies such Hard Jobs.  After ten minutes, I approached ……..

Pipes pipes and more pipes

Lesson Number One; Offer No Sympathy

When your husband is fixing a tricky leak in the small (or any other) bathroom, DO NOT stand at the door like a sympathetic mother hen and ask, “How’s it going?” No matter how compassionate you sound, and regardless of your well-meaning support, it is absolutely NOT required or welcomed at this point.  It will only result in a sharply and rather crossly spoken, "WHAT?" as he bangs his head coming up to hear what you're trying to ask him. 

You will be advised of “How it’s going” when the job is completed and NOT a moment sooner.

Scenario Number Two – Awkward Wiring

“Right” said Steve with determination.

I knew that tone and immediately felt anxious, knowing that my assistance was required in some capacity.  I secretly hoped it was not plaster. 

“What’s up?” I asked brightly hoping he would just ask for a cup of coffee and leave me out of it.

“See these wires?” he said indicating a mutinous looking tangle of red, green and yellow wires dangling from the ceiling.

“Yes” I affirmed, my anxiety increasing by the minute.

“Well, I need you to hold THIS one, don’t touch THAT one and feed me THESE ones through that hole when I say so”

I eyed the hole and looked back at the wires and made my error ……

Wiring hell - to me anyway

Lesson Number Two; never question his judgement on what will go where

When your husband has given what he feels are clear instructions on what you are required to do to assist him in getting the Job done, do not utter the words,

“Are you sure all those wires will fit through that hole?”

When I made this rookie mistake, Steve adopted a pained expression, shook his head and sighed.

“This is not my first rodeo” he said with what I felt was an unnecessary edge of sarcasm. “Of COURSE they’ll fit”

Questioning his good judgement in such matters is highly improper in terms of DIY etiquette. I might as well have said,

“You’re wrong you know, you have no idea what you’re doing. Those wires aren’t going to fit through that hole”.

They fitted.

He knows EXACTLY what he's doing thank you

Scenario Number Three – The Unfinished Job

Steve is always busy. He might have a dozen or more jobs on the go at any one time. Here’s a bit of useful advice in regard to those unfinished little jobs you might observe around the house.

A hundred and one jobs on the go at any one time

Steve had been working on some really difficult plumbing. He had put an en-suite bathroom in our bedroom, where there had previously been NO bathroom at all. Consequently, he had to create ALL the plumbing necessary for the sink, shower and toilet. I can tell you from having watched him do this, that it is no mean feat and takes a lot of time, effort and thinking. I would see him in the evening sitting staring into space “thinking” about his plumbing Job. Holes were made, pipes were fitted, connections were joined up and slowly, the complex network of plumbing took shape. By necessity, it had to come down through the floor in order to hook up with main drains and away. This meant that a big fat pipe was running along the ceiling in the living room.

I had to do it, I had to open my big mouth ……

Steve's Hard bathroom Job

Lesson Number Three; do NOT ask obvious questions

Casting a critical eye at the fat pipe in the living room I asked,

“Are you boxing that big fat pipe in?”

Sigh

Steve’s response?

“No, I thought I’d leave it like that and have it on display. Of COURSE I’m boxing it in” – there's that sarcasm again.

Me (in small voice) “Sorry”

THE big fat pipe

Big fat pipe now boxed in and being painted over

Scenario Number Four – The Uncooperative Dishwasher

We had purchased a 2^nd hand dishwasher from one of those Facebook sites. The people we bought it from were very nice and assured us that it worked perfectly. Indeed, the inside of it was all wet where the man had given it a test run before we came. 

We bought it.

After a bit of thought, Steve decided to put my washing machine under the stairs, so I could have the dishwasher in the kitchen. Yes of course, that was the practical thing to do. I mean, who wants a dishwasher under the stairs? So, after some wrestling with the washing machine, and some not so strenuous manoeuvring of the dishwasher, Steve went to plumb it in.

It wouldn’t work L 

I bit my lip, looked worried and tried so hard not to speak, but I couldn’t help it; it just came out.

Sorting yet more plumbing

Lesson Number Five; do NOT use a tone of voice usually reserved for four year old children

I could see Steve’s frustration beginning to mount as the dishwasher refused to cooperate.

“Try again” he said tersely after another attempt to rectify the problem.

I tried – it made the right sound, but no water was going in.

“It’s not working” I said unhelpfully stating the obvious.

Steve dragged the reluctant machine out once again and seeing how annoyed he was, I made another clumsy attempt to be helpful. Adopting a soothing tone, which I would normally reserve for children around the age of four who have fallen and bumped their knee I said,

“Never mind, leave it for now. I’m sure you’ll work it out in a bit”

I can almost hear the audible gasps and sharp intakes of breath at this most offensive of faux pas. In my misguided effort to “help” I had committed a cardinal sin, no TWO cardinal sins;

-         I had said “never mind”; not only did Steve mind, he minded so much he was prepared to stay there all week if he had to in order to conquer this Hard dishwasher Job.

-         I suggested he “Leave it for now” – I might as well have said, “Obviously, you can’t fix this, so why not leave it alone and we’ll get someone in who knows what he’s doing”

My transgression was instantly apparent from the look on his face. With only slightly clenched teeth he spoke slowly and quietly,

“I CAN fix it, I know EXACTLY what the problem is, I just don’t have the right fitting”. He then went into a long (unnecessarily long I thought) explanation of how the water pressure was affecting the flow of the water, so it wasn’t reaching the dishwasher, and how he needed a special valve to address this.  Anxious to make amends, I nodded enthusiastically and said “I see” a lot, when I didn’t see at all.

One trip to Bricomarche later to get the valve and hey presto – dishwasher working perfectly, as he always knew it would J

One dishwasher in perfect working order

Scenario Number Six; the busy busy man

It is important to understand that when a man is as busy as Steve, he is focused, he is determined, he has a plan. He does NOT want to be diverted from that plan by non-stop offers of food or drink and he especially does not need to be called away to watch the latest funny video of a cat on Facebook L

On this particular day, Steve had many Hard Jobs on the go. He was knocking a door through from one room to another, raising startling amounts of dust and debris. 

Knocking the door through. I turn a blind eye to the dust!




He was still tinkering with the plumbing, and had the removal of a staircase on his mind. 

The staircase that had to come out was on his mind






The weather here in Brittany was warming up, and I had all the windows flung wide open. This was all well and good, but as is often the case, we had many uninvited flies in the house. I loved to have the back door open too, but being in the kitchen, the flies were too much of a problem. But I was too hot, and so came yet another blunder.

Lesson Number Six; do NOT divert a busy busy man

I collared Steve as he passed through the kitchen.

“I know you’re busy darling, but you couldn’t just fit me that fly screen so I can have the back door open could you? It’s awfully hot”

Now, like most men, Steve likes a challenge. He was busy; so very busy, but his woman had made a request of him and had used the words, “You couldn’t just”……….. The caveman in him took over. He COULD just, and he would do it before she could repeat the words, “It’s awfully hot”.

“Right” he snapped in a Basil Fawlty way; “Get the mesh”.

I scuttled off and got the roll of mesh we had bought for such a purpose. He measured it with steely eyed determination, thrust it back at me and demanded I cut it where he indicated.

I did so, knowing by now that I really shouldn’t have asked him to do this, while he was so busy with other Jobs. I tried to back track.

“If you’re too busy, leave it for now, do it another time, honestly, it doesn’t matter” 

Foolish woman, there you go again saying it doesn’t matter.

All I got was a raised eyebrow and “The look”. 

I kept cutting.

Steve went outside; he hammered, sawed, nailed and muttered. In less than one hour, he had constructed a temporary, yet perfectly functional fly screen. The back door could be open all day – yey.

“It’s only temporary” growled Steve darkly, “I’ll do it properly when I have more time” he added pointedly as he returned to his Hard, and far more important Job of knocking a door through.

I just about got away with it, but it’s never a good idea to disturb an already busy man, especially one who is beginning to resemble a grubby Quaker with that bearded look; which is dirt by the way!

DO NOT disturb

One busy man!

And so ladies, I hope that this short guide might assist you in knowing what not to say or do in your efforts to be helpful. I will leave you with a few more useful tips J Happy renovating everyone.

-   When there is a problem, never ask, “Is there anything I can do to help?” – There won’t be. If HE can’t do it, you certainly can’t. You may ask the question if there is no problem, as you may be required to clean up, make a coffee or mix plaster. This is acceptable. 

-         Do NOT under any circumstances suggest getting someone in to help him. He does not want anyone else’s help. He wants to do it ALL himself and by God he will.

-         You MUST resist the urge to touch him while he is working out a problem. No matter how sympathetic you are feeling, you MUST not touch him, no, no, no. Do not stroke his arm, put a hand on his back or in any way make bodily contact. Now is not the time. If you do, you may as well pat him on the head and say “There there”.

-         Under no circumstance utter the words, “Ahhh don’t worry about it” - these words are futile

-         And my final rule just for me; even in moments of weakness, I must NEVER mention how good I am at mixing plaster J That would just be rude!

www.freyabarrington.com

Freya

Easy Like Sunday Morning; a glimpse into one couple's daily life in rural Brittany

Last year, Steve and I spent seven months in the Tarn Et Garonne region of France on a house sit, which confirmed our suspicions – we wanted to remain in France full time. The Dordogne and The Limousin had been our first choices, but a three day stay in Dinan changed all that.

We fell for the charms of Brittany after a visit to Dinan

What's not to like?

We fell in love with the area, viewed a property in the Cote D’Armor region, loved it, put an offer in on it and three months later, had taken possession of it J

Our little piece of France

We have now lived in our small and beautifully tranquil village of 450 people for three and a half months, and it has surpassed all our expectations.  Steve is busy full time on renovating our house, with me as his first mate, labourer, plaster mixer supreme and coffee maker.

I DO work, maybe not as much as Steve, but I try

Oh and when I get the time, I write!  I am sat now at our breakfast bar as I write this blog; out of the window I can see the birds in the garden as they flock to the feeders. The neighbours climbing rose trails lazily over our wall, sharing it's beauty with us. Swallows flit silently in the eggshell blue sky, catching midges on the wing, and once again I count my blessings. 

My regular visitor

I am a member of an ex pats Facebook site for those of us lucky enough to live in Brittany. On occasion, someone from the UK or further afield will ask the question – “We’re thinking of moving to Brittany, can you recommend it?” The question seems to be all the more pressing in light of Brexit. People are worried that things will change, now that the UK have decided to leave the EU, and that maybe they won’t be able to live and work as freely in France. My view is, that people lived and worked in France before the UK was a member of the EU, and will continue to do so regardless of the decision to leave. It is not something I worry about at all.

The questions about a move to Brittany are usually met by an overwhelming barrage of answers, most, if not all of which, say – YES, come and join us here in this beautiful area of France. Come and find out for yourselves what life is like here.

https://www.facebook.com/groups/1538666086361820/

Steve and I left the UK in 2010 in a haze of disillusionment and disappointment to live in Gozo. 

Steve by the pool overlooking the sea at our old house in Gozo

It was an absolutely life changing experience. We were there for over five years; we made wonderful lifelong friends there who we miss to this day. We worked on the island as singers, developing a solid following of like-minded people who loved the music and the camaraderie. Unforgettable memories, most of which are recorded in my award winning 2^nd book entitled, Gozo, Is the Grass Greener?

With an honorable mention at the 2015 London Book Festival and a WINNER at the 2016 Paris Book Festival, my autobiographical book about Gozo has proved popular

When we made the decision to live in France, we had many dire warnings of how difficult it would be to settle here. From the nightmare we were promised if we tried to buy a house, to the acres of forms required to open a bank account and register for health care, the nay sayers had something to say on just about every subject possible.

I will admit, there have been some obstacles, but none have been insurmountable. We now have a joint bank account, which yes, DID require a lot of ID and form filling, but it was not impossible. We have house and car insurance here, which was considerably cheaper than in the UK and offered more in the way of benefits.

The process of buying the house was surprisingly straightforward and has been explored in a previous blog.

Buying the house was amazingly hassle free

The health care registration is ongoing, but IS getting sorted, slowly but surely. We have had no problem accessing health care in the meantime – doctors, dentist and a trip to the A&E of the local hospital when Steve managed to prong himself on a sharp tile.  We have found an English speaking vet for our rescue dog Merlin and have so far, been impressed with the care offered, both to us and Merlin J

The one and only Merlin, our rescued Griffon Bleu

The village we live in could be straight out of a novel. Quaint, friendly, and accepting. We know our neighbours and are regulars at the local café/bar for coffee or a Kir cocktail (or 2) J

Our local cafe/bar

The Mairie (local mayor) has been round for coffee and helped us to fill in the forms we needed when we had to get permission to put some new windows in. There is a wonderful boulangerie, just a short stroll from our house, where I can get heavenly fresh bread, mouth-watering patisserie and basic shopping six days a week.  On the way, I might meet 3 or 4 neighbours who are on the same bread buying mission; we exchange a pleasant bonjour and go about our business.

Decisions decisions

This is a rural area, with high levels of agriculture.  Acres of sweet corn rubs shoulders with the fast growing wheat. Hedges grow wild and untamed. Cows regard you with marvelous bovine disinterest as you walk on by, or if they are feeling mischievous they will rush at Merlin in an attempt to scare him and jostle noisily at the fence as they compete for the best position from which to see him. There are peaceful off road walks for me and Merlin; ponds with ragondin (coypu) wild duck, heron, buzzards, deer, foxes, badgers and much more. A short car ride will get you to areas with rivers, forests, lakes, historical buildings and areas of stunning beauty.  

Ragondin with babies

Our village at 6 am




There is space here. We never feel hemmed in or crowded. Even popular beauty spots seem secluded and almost muted in their tranquility. When I walk out in the early morning or late in the evening, the silence is quite literally deafening. 

Just before the sunrise in our village




Most of the people in the village seem to retire early, with shutters down and doors closed by 10pm. No one has music blaring out, no car engines revving, no shouting, just peace.

The beautiful early morning sun breaking through




The weather here suits Steve and I and we seem to have the best of both worlds. At the moment, we are enjoying the beautiful summer weather, with temperatures up in the high 20’s and low 30’s, which is quite hot enough for us. However, mornings still have that coolness, along with low lying mist over the fields. Perfect for walking Merlin and for making the most of the glorious countryside before it gets too hot.

Full moon!





We have not lived here through a winter, so cannot comment from experience. However, I am reliably informed that the winters are mild; frost and snow are rare. You can find out more about the weather in Brittany by following the link below.

http://gitelink.com/brittany/brittany-weather.htm

If it’s an ex pat community you want; you will have no difficulty in finding one in Brittany, though Steve and I prefer the more traditional aspects of life here. There are plenty of local bars with live music and many other social activities. Car boot sales are popular, as are fetes and similar festivities in the local villages.  Contrary to popular belief, the French are NOT ignorant, hostile, rude or awkward. We have found everyone to be pleasant, friendly, helpful and extremely polite. When you walk into a doctor’s surgery, a shop or anywhere really, everyone in the place will say good morning. Steve and I were initially taken aback in the local café when people we had never met would come in and greet us with a hand shake or a double kiss. I recall one lady bringing her five children in. Without a word from her, they all came over to us and shook Steve’s hand and kissed me soundly once on each cheek. Delightful J

There are small traditions here which endure. Each village has its own school; no question of closure, or moving several schools to one bigger school.  Local shops are supported; it would be unthinkable for a village, no matter how small, not to have a boulangerie!

I speak basic French, which is improving all the time. When no one around you speaks English, you learn very quickly. My vocabulary includes a startling variety of DIY and building phrases, such as, “We have some rubble to get rid of” – for the local rubbish tip! If in doubt I point and say, “Un comme ca s’il vous plait” J

Ready for the rubbish tip - again!




We know people who have lived here 20 years, while others, like us, have only been here a few months.  They all say the same – life here is lovely. Of course there are challenges; we are not living in a Disney movie, but there is an ease about living here, a laid back, relaxed vibe, which we soak up like sponges.  

So, if you are contemplating, “Shall we move to Brittany” I can speak from experience and say – do; you won’t regret it. Life is short, it is not a dress rehearsal. A recent study of people at the end of their lives discovered that they did not regret the things they had done, but the things they had NOT done, the risks they did not take and the road not taken.

Anyway, you will have to excuse me, I must go to the boulangerie, where I suspect there is a fresh baked baguette, and perhaps a strawberry tart with my name on it J

Ah yes, that'll do nicely





My new book, Caught in Traffick us due out imminently. It is a sequel to the award winning Known to Social Services. The book is about the harrowing world of child trafficking and is set in Thailand.

It will be available via Amazon in paperback and as a download. I will keep you informed.

Merlin also has his own short story, now available on Amazon, entitled, Merlin, The Hound Dog; Part One, In From The Cold. It is £1.99, a % of which will go to animal charities

Merlin also has his own Facebook page!

www.facebook.com/merlinthehounddog 

For more details about my writing, please visit my website;

www.freyabarrington.com

I will leave you with a few more photos of this most beautiful area.

A bientot J

Freya